Do Over! To The Rescue!
Give me a minute to overthink this.The blessing of a“do-over.”
I saw a silly sign at a friend’s house that said, “give me a
minute to overthink this.” I know the sign was meant to be a sarcastic comment,
but it got me started thinking about blindsided arguments. When was the last
time you walked into a conflict that you didn’t see coming? It happens and when
it does, you might be feeling a sense of panic, confusion or anger and as a
result, you just can’t think straight. In that moment, don’t you wish you could
just put the whole situation on pause while you gather yourself?
When either party is in fight or flight mode, resolving the conflict is not possible. When negative emotions are raging, the cortisol and adrenaline that has flooded your body makes thinking a challenge. You are literally dumbed down in that moment and the best you can hope for is to get past the situation with as little relationship damage as possible.
That’s when a do-over can come to the rescue. To truly resolve a conflict, both parties need to be calm and to stay calm. To achieve that calm state, you can use a MAIL message to slow the energy. The problem is, in the thick of the conflict, you don’t think to do it or your MAIL message just isn’t enough. The good news is, you can always ask for a “do-over” later when both parties have calmed down. Coming back to the issue later will give you an opportunity to do some pre-planning. You can sort out your facts and your meaning that you attached to those facts. You can also be prepared with MAIL messaging (if you aren’t sure what a MAIL message is, check out an earlier blog – the acronym is explained there!) Sometimes a do-over is the only way to resolve a conflict. The key is to be brave enough to ask for one!
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