Learn which words in a conversation will trigger defensiveness and which words will spark energy .

Growing up, many of us some experiences in common. This overlap of experiences means that many people will respond to specific words in a predictable manner. 

You can learn what those words are so that you can avoid making a tense situation worse. Instead, you can substitute spark words that provoke positive energy that will move you toward your desired outcome. 

Get out of your own way and start using more effective language.